The French soccer star said he is sorry for head-butting an Italian opponent during the World Cup Soccer Match final last Sunday. He did not say exactly what insult infuriated him so greatly. The Italian said something to him that was “very harsh” and repeated that something, but the French star would not tell what it was. The French star was sent off the field, and Italy went on to win the game.
The French soccer star apologized, though – or did he? The French captain stated clearly that he felt no regret for the head-butting. Even though he voiced an apology, he did not feel sorry for it. Why? “Because,” he said, “that would mean (the Italian) was right to say all that.”
That being the case, why did the French star pretend sorrow? What was his motivation? Did he finally realize he might lose the coveted Golden Ball award for best player at the World Cup? A hasty apology might be needed to save it. Did he offer his disingenuous apology to avoid nasty press coverage? Was his sham act of contrition performed to maintain popularity with his countrymen? What motivated his counterfeit forgiveness?
Character education programs, if they are well done, teach us that the character trait forgiveness is vital to men and women of character. Coupled with compassion for others, forgiveness produces an apology when we have hurt another person physically or verbally. Apologies spring from being sorry – a result of compassion for others. One who is sorry regrets deeply what has been done. He or she wants to help make it right.
Character education – motivation – must get to the root of the matter. Character education must help us mold our motivation as well as our actions. We do right because we desire to do right. A parent’s actions must not spring from the motive of seeking approval from the children. A child’s actions must not spring from desire for an award. We must be motivated by altruism. We must cultivate every trait on the list of character traits simply because we desire to be men, women, boys, and girls who say and do the right thing in every situation, even at personal sacrifice.
We do not exercise authentic character when our motivation is off beam. Character is, above all, integrity. The whole man or the whole woman operates as a seamless entity. There is not a part that apologizes while another part voices no regret for the deed. There is never an apology on the lips while resentment and animosity still thrive in the heart. There cannot be forgiveness of the other person without compassion for the other person.
So the French soccer star said he is sorry for head-butting an Italian opponent during the World Cup Soccer Match final last Sunday. I cannot accept his sorrow, and I doubt the Italian opponent can accept it.
My mother once told my eldest brother that he had to be “the kind of sorry that will never do it again.” In other words, he must link forgiveness and compassion, words and deeds.
That’s the view from my chair. What’s your view?
I agree with your observation on Zidane’s apology. It is the obvious response for a world-famous athlete. He has advisors that are very concerned with his reputation - their salaries are naturally linked to his success. The act itself speaks of his character - not what he says afterwards. I said on my blog that what he does from now on is what will decide whether he really is a hero.