Here’s an equation I’m pondering. Moral values embraced and exercised plus moral values rejected and not exercised equal the true, inner person. It’s an unchanging equation: Character strengths + character weaknesses = you.
CS + CW = Y
The greater the value of CS, the stronger you will be morally. The greater the value of CW, the weaker you will be morally. Not every character trait carries equal weight, of course. Some are heavier in the moral scales than others. They affect life to a greater degree. They have, in accounting terminology, a greater bearing on the bottom line of character.
As I was thinking about that equation today, and trying to decide which character trait to subject to it as an example, the phone rang. “I just called to thank you for Date with Responsibility and Lost on Superstition Mountain,” said the father who called. “Our girls really appreciate the books.”
Appreciation! That trait is so often missing from the CS side of the equation these days.
Think about it. We work hard to accomplish a big job for someone, and we don’t even get a simple “Thank You” in return. We stay up late preparing a treat for the staff, and not one of them bothers to express appreciation. We offer to baby sit our friends’ children free of charge so the couple can enjoy an evening together, and they come home complaining. We do our best at work every day, but we have to wait until the annual Secretary (or whatever) Appreciation Day rolls around to receive a forced word of gratitude. People just don’t show appreciation, do they?
Before we speak too quickly, though, maybe we should look in the mirror.
Do we say “Thank you” when we receive a free gift with our book store purchase? Do we exercise appreciation toward the teachers who strive to equip our children for adulthood? Have we ever offered a word of thanks when we enroll in a free adult education course? Do we thank the nurses who care for us in the hospital? How often do we thank the web site owner who provides us with so much free information? Is there anyone to whom we should have said “Thank You” and did not?
Appreciation speaks volumes about us as individuals. Appreciation shows that we do not believe ourselves to be entitled to everything in life. Appreciation distinguishes us from those who, childhood onward, seem to shout, “You owe me!” “Give it to me!” “Do it for me!”
Appreciation keeps us from becoming those who view other people as existing merely to give to us.
Appreciation in the character equation can add or subtract a great deal. It is one of the weightier qualities in a list of character traits. Those who fail to show appreciation deduct much from their personal moral worth. We can learn, embrace, and exercise many moral values, but when we fail to understand, adopt, and exercise the trait of appreciation, we subtract a great deal from what we really are.
That’s the view from my chair. What’s your view?