Two people, who originally seemed to be a man and woman of character, recently stiffed my husband and me for nearly $2,000. Happily, this had nothing to do with our character web site, character-in-action.com. It would have seemed worse if it had been a school purchasing books and materials for a character education program! Nonetheless, the incident made me think about the importance of communication.
The couple’s dishonesty was important, of course, but over and above that, was their lack of communication regarding the responsibility they had assumed – and that can be avoided if young people build character into their lives before they become adults.
Character education should teach young people the importance of staying in touch regarding a responsibility. Each teenager preparing for adulthood should be taught that when one signs a contract, one assumes responsibility in every way for that contract. If one comes up short on funds and cannot make a monthly payment, responsibility includes explaining the situation honestly to the other party. When one makes an appointment, or accepts an invitation, one accepts responsibility to arrive at the agreed upon place at the appointed time. If one cannot do that, responsibility includes contacting the parties involved, and explaining. Dishonesty and silence both are methods of shirking responsibility.
As I look at the list of character traits hanging above my desk, I see so many qualities that demand communication regarding an agreement, whether that agreement be an appointment you’d rather pretend to forget, or a contract with ongoing payments.
Commitment, for example, is a trait of character that demands communication. One who is committed knows what is involved in a specific responsibility, and acts to begin and carry through on that responsibility, even at personal sacrifice. If one cannot carry through, or must delay completion of the responsibility, communication is vital.
Dependability, integrity, respect, self-control, and trustworthiness are just a handful of the many more traits demanding that we communicate with people when responsibilities involve others.
We need to be teaching these things, especially in character education in high school.
Respect is a character trait that, like responsibility, is included in virtually every character education program, but few, I suspect, are teaching students that respect extends to people with whom you have made an agreement, however limited your knowledge of those people is. You ought to treat the other party in an agreement as though he or she is important – more important than you are. If you make a date, teens should be taught, you respect the other person enough to keep that date. If you truly are prevented from keeping the date, you owe the other person clear, honest communication as to why you cannot keep the date. If you borrow money from a friend or parent, you need to respect the lender and make every effort to repay as quickly as possible. If you are delayed, you should talk to that person and explain honestly why you are delayed.
We all run into bumps in the road, but when we do, we should stay in touch with our responsibilities, and keep our dealings honest and open.
That’s the view from my chair. What’s your view?