My thoughts are still on personal relationships. Specifically, I’m thinking about a man I met in college.
David worked in the school dining hall, as did I, and our paths crossed there. My job was to stack dirty dishes on serving tables, and set up diners’ tables for the next meal. His task was to take the stacked dishes to the kitchen in a large wheeled cart. I could stay out of his path as long as I worked the tables for four, which sat out in the room, but I became vulnerable when I stepped between the tables for two, which sat against the wall.
That’s when David would make his move, and it was a quick, smooth move. With his large cart of dirty dishes, David would trap me between two tables and the wall. Then he would proceed to tease. He was never offensive in any way, clearly wanted to date me, and might have asked if I had given encouragement. But my dream man was very tall, with blue eyes and blonde hair. David had only the blue eyes, and my immaturity could not see beyond them. All I saw was a big tease, and with four brothers, I had enough teasing already.
“I wish he would get lost!” I exploded to my roommate on more than one occasion. David did not get lost, though, so I put in for a change of duty. I got a promotion to dormitory receptionist, and left David behind.
For the next year or so, I saw David frequently, but we seldom spoke.
Then our paths crossed again. This time, David was voted into a quartet in which I sang – voted in over my vociferous protests. Since he sang tenor and I sang alto, I found myself standing beside him for hours of practice. I found myself seated beside him while traveling to gigs. And I found myself …
Surprised by character! This young man, only slightly taller than I and sporting hair as dark brown as my own, began to be my new dream man. He pulled out chairs for me, held doors, and helped me with my coat. He showed respect, acting as though he valued me as a person, even if our relationship never went beyond that of fellow-musicians. He took responsibility for his place in the quartet and his studies, which our previous tenor had not done. He had values and principles, and, even at that age, was clearly a man who exercised the courage of his convictions. Such character surprised me, and convinced me that he was a person worthy of respect, attention – and a date.
That was 45 years ago. David and I have been married for nearly 43 of those years, and his character has continued to grow.
We can help our young people build that kind of character, and prepare them for the day when they can surprise someone by their character. That’s one of many reasons I helped co-found Character-in-Action.com. I wanted others to enjoy the type of relationship David and I have. It’s a relationship filled with respect, faithfulness, honesty, integrity, and a host of other character traits. It’s a relationship based on authentic, lasting love.
I believe there are few gifts we can give our children or ourselves that are better than this. If, through character books and materials, we sow solid character, we will reap much happier, stronger marital relationships.
That’s the view from my chair. What’s your view?