Over the weekend, I was privileged to drive through a picturesque part of Montana. The roads were bare, but snow still covered the ground; the many, small lakes we passed were still frozen solid. Two white tail deer raced across one frozen lake, while many more white-tails rested under fir and western larch trees. A herd of mule deer sun-bathed on a grass-swept hillside. New and wonderful scenes were plentiful.
Respect was less plentiful. Many drivers respected themselves much more highly than fellow drivers, pressing to pass even when others maintained the speed limit of 70 mph. The road was rough and narrow – a single lane in each direction. Deer stepped out of the woods frequently, or grazed a few feet from the road surface, and such speed endangered everyone, but that seemed not to matter.
I thought about it as I drove. Clearly, despite years of character education classes in U.S. schools, teaching respect as a character trait has been largely unsuccessful. Why is that?
Teaching respect as a character trait requires a clear understanding of the quality, for one thing. Those who teach respect need to know what it means to exercise respect.
We need to understand that respect is a way of showing what value we place on someone or something – that we hold someone or something in high esteem. Respect appreciates its object. That is, if I exercise respect toward you, I show that I regard you to be a person who has value. I use words and actions that reveal to you and others my estimation of you as a person of worth. It does not matter what your age is. Things such as age, social standing, financial status, education, ethnic background, or the language you speak take second place to showing that you have value as a person.
Teaching respect as a character trait requires not only lucid understanding of the quality, but a desire to build it strongly into our own lives. It involves strong desire to become those who exercise respect appropriately, no matter when or where. It extends to the point where we want to exercise respect even when peers or circumstances make it difficult. We are willing to make the sacrifice.
Teaching respect as a character trait also requires that we first become models of that quality. We might understand the character trait fully, and want it in our lives, but until we are modeling it, we are not credible teachers of respect. If we do not respect the children or young people we are teaching, they will say to themselves, or even to us, “Not buying it!” If we show a lack of respect for a spouse, employer, or other adults, our actions state that respect is not, after all, important. Until we consistently exercise respect to others, we will not succeed in teaching respect as a character trait.
When I taught in a New Zealand high school, I liked to turn students’ attention to the royal family of Great Britain, of whom the students knew more than I did. I posed questions to show what respect meant. Would they barge into the room where the queen sat without knocking and being invited to enter? Would they interrupt when the queen was speaking? Would they whisper to others, or pass notes while the queen was speaking to the group in which they stood? Plentiful examples showed that, voluntary or involuntary, they would exercise respect toward the queen.
Every nationality has a similar head of state to which respect ought to be shown. Teaching respect as a character trait is simplified when such examples are used. Additionally, it affords opportunity to teach our children and teenagers how they ought to respect those heads of state, whether or note they agree with the decisions made by them.
When should we begin to teach respect? As early as possible. Toddlers and children from 3 through 8 will love learning it with a book such as Georgey Giraffe’s Giant Respect. Older children and teenagers will learn it through other character books. The important point is that we must teach it clearly, strongly, frequently, and consistently. Respect is dying in the streets, and will be sorely missed if we let it die.
That’s the view from my chair. What’s your view?