Character Deficits in Adult Relationships

///Character Deficits in Adult Relationships

Character Deficits in Adult Relationships

Character deficits damage adult relationships. Dating couples; married couples; adult siblings; co-workers; employers/employees – whatever the relationship, it can quickly be damaged or even destroyed by a deficiency in character.

Think about this.

  • People visit counselors because of relationship problems.
  • People ask life coaches to help with relationship problems.
  • Some people depend on therapists to solve relationship problems.

Character deficits cause most of those relationship problems!

Please don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that a character deficit causes every relationship problem. I am saying, however, that when we do not engage in character building or family values training, when we do not exercise strong character traits consistently, we ultimately damage relationships.

Character Deficit Symptoms

Imagine for a minute that I can turn X-ray vision on every adult relationship in your life. Might I see any of the following symptoms of frailty?

  • husband bashing or wife bashing
  • friction, stress, and tension
  • jealousy or envy
  • verbal strife
  • physical fighting
  • self-centeredness or selfishness
  • ongoing anger
  • deceitfulness

That is, of course, only a partial list of symptoms caused by a deficiency in character. If I turned my X-ray vision to full strength, I might find other symptoms of character infirmity. Think about it. Look at your adult relationships that are less than perfect. What’s causing the damage?

Relationships require an investment in character building. They demand a commitment to character building; a commitment to family values; a commitment to the daily exercise of all 66 character traits.

Character Building

Character building strengthens adult relationships if those relationships are honorable. If they are immoral or otherwise corrupt, however, character building destroys them. Why? Character is the accumulation of high moral values, and such values never condone immoral behavior.

Character building begins with a realization that every character trait rests squarely on an unchanging moral absolute. You can trust unchanging character traits. You can be sure they always mean the same from one situation to the next. Love means the same before marriage as it does after marriage. Patience means the same at home as it does at work.

Character building provides you with convictions about individual character traits. When you have the courage of those convictions, you will do what is right, regardless of the personal sacrifices or consequences. As character building invests that kind of strong moral fiber into every adult relationship, it protects your relationships from damage.

Family Values

Family values play a part, too, in fortifying frail relationships and protecting them from damage. What does family values mean? Many define the term as “The moral and social values that we traditionally maintain and affirm within our families.”

In the context of this article, family values refers to the high moral values, or character that a family embraces. Your family values should include all 66 character traits with no “wiggle room” for relativism or situational application of them.

Build your family values strong, and exercise them daily (24/7) to immunize adult family relationships against deficiencies.

Character Traits

You already know that there are 66 character traits, but do you conscientiously exercise all 66 traits on a daily basis? Damaged adult relationships heal when you work to exercise authentic character traits on a consistent basis.

Look at these examples:

  • Character traits such as love and compassion cause us to do what is best for the other person in the relationship – a practice that is sure to overcome many problems.
  • Character traits such as self-control and patience cause us to restrain ourselves and not scratch every personal itch we have – allowing us to think of others instead.
  • Character traits such as respect and responsibility reduce friction in relationships as we show that we value the other person, and we carry our fair share of the work.


Character deficits that damage adult relationships occur when we ignore character building, family values, and daily exercise of character traits. If you have an adult relationship that is suffering from character deficits, invest in that relationship. Commit to a character building program that will heal and strengthen that relationship.


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